Ghosting

It seems only fitting that for the month of October, we talk about a word that has become increasingly common in our everyday language: “Ghosting.”

"You've been ghosted when a friend doesn’t respond to your calls or texts despite repeated attempts to reach out.

You’ve been ghosted after a great date with someone who seemed promising, but then they disappear without a trace.

You’ve been ghosted when you’re waiting for a payment for services rendered, and the other party ignores your emails and calls to follow up."

Why talk about ghosting now? Living in Silicon Valley, where major tech companies have been laying off workers en masse, I’ve seen firsthand how the local job market has become oversaturated with people looking for work. It’s not just about friendships or dating anymore; ghosting has infiltrated the professional world as well, particularly in the job search and recruitment process.

As a coach, I’ve been approached by numerous administrative professionals who are navigating career transitions—working on resumes, refining their interview skills, and figuring out their next steps. Many of them are encountering ghosting in the most frustrating way: after positive interviews with promising companies, communication just ceases.

Losing a job unexpectedly can be overwhelming, especially when you’ve felt confident and fulfilled in your work. The flood of emotions—anger, disappointment, sadness, fear, and financial worry—can be hard to navigate. Ghosting, unfortunately, adds another layer of stress to an already challenging situation.

I have a friend who was laid off from a start-up company six months ago. He held a senior leadership role in engineering and had played a pivotal role in the company’s success. He remained optimistic in his job search until the ghosting began. After receiving initial interest from recruiters, starting interviews, and feeling confident about the process, communication suddenly went silent—more than once. This has taken a toll on his confidence and motivation.

Similarly, I recently had lunch with an executive assistant who was let go due to downsizing. She had hoped her last role would be a long-term position. Despite actively networking, applying for roles, and improving her resume and interview skills, she shared her own ghosting story. After a series of promising interviews for a job she was excited about, she heard nothing back from the recruiter, even though she was told she was a strong candidate. That job has been posted for nearly six months, a sign that perhaps ghosting was a symptom of deeper issues within the company.

I hear these stories time and again from job seekers, and it’s clear that ghosting has unfortunately become a norm in some corners of the recruitment and hiring process.

Of course, not all recruiters behave this way. But it does raise questions: What does it take for a recruiter to simply provide closure? Why can’t they offer feedback so the candidate can improve for future interviews? Why build up hope, only to leave someone hanging?

While I don’t have all the answers, I do know this: When I interview candidates, I make it a point to let them know if they aren’t the right fit. It may not be easy, but it’s the respectful thing to do.

Looking for a job is never easy, and the added frustration of ghosting can make it feel downright discouraging. That’s why I want to share some “Ghostbusting” tools to help you move forward if you find yourself in this situation:

1. Be cautious about relying solely on recruiters—some may not have the expertise needed to assess you for the right role.

2. Trust in your capabilities—if you've been ghosted, remember it might not have been the right fit for you.

3. Stay positive—recognize your strengths, and be open to exploring new and diverse opportunities.

4. Consider what concessions you're willing to make—whether in salary or job position, flexibility may be necessary in today’s market.

5. Sharpen your interview skills—get feedback from a coach or trusted friend to improve how you tell your story.

6. Keep building your network—connect with people, attend events, and cultivate new relationships.

7. Remember: you’re not alone—many others are on the same journey.

The job market today is different from when I was looking for my next role. I remember going through an extensive interview process with one company, meeting with ten different people over several months. Ultimately, the last person I interviewed with didn’t feel we had good chemistry, and I wasn’t offered the job.

But guess what? Shortly after, I interviewed with Cisco. I had become excellent at interviewing by that point, and I landed the role that would turn into the career of my dreams.

You can achieve the same! Keep pushing forward, and don’t let ghosting stop you from finding the opportunity that’s meant for you.